In 2009, just eleven days into his presidency, Barack Obama was nominated for – and later received – a Nobel Peace Prize, for no apparent reason other than not being George W. Bush. Not only did former Nobel Commission secretary Geir Lundestad acknowledge that the decision was purely political, but also admitted in hindsight it wasn’t such a great idea. Looks like reality caught up with Geir (aka Captain Obvious) years later, who realized that the little international political stunt ruined the image of the prestigious award forever.
At Tony’s Seafood Palace, they’re givin’ em away, folks. And don’t forget to try their new recipe – cheezy fries!
Obama, being the class act Democrat he is, showed his gratitude and thanked the commission by expressing he may not even attend the award ceremony (although he did end up going), then angering the normally patient and forgiving Norwegians when he skipped other activities including lunch with the king, a news conference, and a globally-shared CNN interview with the prize recipient. He also blew off a “Save the Children’’ benefit concert, where organizers reportedly placed him with an Obama cardboard cutout — though there appear to be no photos of this. Clint Eastwood would later pay tribute to the noted absence of Obama at the 2012 RNC convention, making the point that Obama’s actual presence at any function ain’t much different or any more valuable than airspace in the corner of any room.
Fast forward to November 2020, at the apex of the covid pandemic. New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, chief buffoon of a mishandled state operation to contain the spread of the illness resulting in at least 6,200 nursing home deaths (investigative reports by the NY Health Department only counted residents who physically died within a nursing home, and omitted those who contracted the virus and went on to die in a hospital or other facility), is recognized and honored by those keen political observers in charge of the Emmy Awards. These are the folks in the television industry who give themselves awards for TV “excellence” – at being mediocre. Yep, those top-shelf geniuses gave Cuomo an Emmy for his apparent TV covid-update brilliance telling New Yorkers that all is well; no need to panic just because grandma had to be intubated and die a slow horrible death by herself. It’s all for the greater good, because hey – we’re all in this together.
Well, we here at Raison Detre – Rants! are not to be outdone by those TV industry people. No sir. We can be just as fawning, ass-kissing, and filled with praise as those Hollywood types and wacky Nobel-awarding Norwegians. So with that, we give you the 2020 Raison Detre Awards!!
Winners of the 2020 Raison Detre Awards!! will receive their very own “Okie Dokie” statue, much like an Oscar, which is made with real gold, except this is plastic and comes from a sweatshop in China. All runners-up will receive a 5 x 8 picture suitable for framing.
And the winners are –
Best Performance in Killing Off the Elderly – Andrew Cuomo (D) Governor, New York Leadership. That’s what matters when you’re the governor of a state dealing with a pandemic. So much so that if you’re really good at it, you should write a book telling people just how good you are. Cuomo’s book, called “American Crisis” and released Oct. 13, was described in its press release as a “remarkable portrait of leadership during crisis and a gritty story of gut-wrenching choices that point the way to a safer future for us all.” And if you’re a true leadership expert and champion like Andrew Cuomo, you can save taxpayer money by reducing the senior population while simultaneously reducing those economically debilitating social security payments. So inspiring was Cuomo’s leadership skillset, that family members of those who died under his watch wheeled a silver casket to the front of a Brooklyn nursing home filled with 6,500 copies of the cover of Cuomo’s new book in honor of his COVID-19 policies and those who died as a result. Andy, you’re a true inspiration to us all!! Don’t go changin’ …
Best Performance for Being an Idiot During a Hearing – Mazie K. Hirono (D) Senator, HI This was a tough one, since the field is so crowded and varied. But through the perils of fierce competition is where true champions are born. An outsider and dark horse who doesn’t get as much airtime like some of her fellow attention-whore Democrat colleagues, Crazy Mazie demonstrated her passion of woke equality during the confirmation hearings of Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett. To make sure all SCOTUS candidates are asked the same questions regardless of cis-gender identity, Mazie turned the heat up when grilling ACB over any past sexual misconduct with co-workers. Using her keen powers of observation and trusting her gut instinct that ACB is probably a right-wing closet sex-crazed love goddess with the proclivity of being naked under her bench robe and who has probably molested countless young SCOTUS pages, Mazie Hirono made it clear that just because ACB was never caught, yet alone suspected, that type of behavior will not be allowed while a member of SCOTUS. Along with that, Mazie educated us all by insisting that the term “sexual preference” was offensive, literally changing the dictionary overnite! She also explained her concern over SCOTUS ending infanticide. Simply brilliant, Mazie! And such a good use of taxpayer time and money.
Best Performance of Being a Global Warming/Cooling/Warming Alarmist – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D) NY 14th congressional district According to AOC, we only have
12 11 10 years to save the planet, or we’ll all perish at the hand of an angry planet Earth, and we’ll all burn up, or freeze, or burn up, or something like that. Anyway, AOC claims what is needed to save us from the wrath of Mother Earth is her proposed Green New Deal, which would cost $93 Trillion (yes, with a T) in the first 10 years.
< Original draft of AOC’s “Green New Deal”.
If implemented, the Green New Deal would cost American households at least tens of thousands of dollars annually on a permanent basis. Perhaps that’s why exactly zero Senate Democrats, including the resolution’s 12 co-sponsors, voted for the Green New Deal when they had the chance.
Best Performance of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) – Maxine Waters (D) California Maxine is a strong contender and a perennial favorite in ANY category involving stupidity and low IQ. She should never be underestimated to say something so outrageous that it would normally get any average citizen a visit from the local FBI office along with a full cavity search for hiding weapons that could maim or kill. Yes, she is that insanely stupid, and has absolutely no problem calling for violence against any Trump supporter.
Best Dressed Congressman – Jerry Nadler (D) U.S. Rep, NY 10th congressional district Always a slave to fashion, and always looking his GQ cover boy best, Jerry seems comfortable and confident in his own skin. Unfortunately, his skin isn’t that comfortable in his pants. But this fashionista gives our little man from NY four stars for always looking FABULOUS!
Whether on the catwalk, runway, or sitting calm, cool and confident, Jerry is just too sexy for his tie!
Way to go, Jerry! Show the boys and girls down in SoHo how it’s done!
Best economic stimulus plan for individual family members – Joe Biden, President-Elect, Economics is a top subject of any candidates political platform. But personal enrichment of a family member who couldn’t hold down a job selling shoes at the mall is a very humanitarian thing to do. Not only did ‘Dear Old Dad’ get Hunter Biden a fancy-schmancy board position and corner window office with a corrupt Ukrainian energy company, he also got him some choice seven figure deals with those capitalism-loving Chinese commies. That kind of parental support I wish I had. When he isn’t sniffing the hair of married women or 12 year old girls, Joe is a regular Ward Cleaver (Google that, millennials).
Best Impression of Your Political Party Mascot – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D) NY 14th congressional district This is AOC’s second award of the evening. A true champion and overachiever, AOC is the Rich Little of mascot impressions. The proof is in the pudding, as they say.
Well, we’re going to take a little station break to hear from our sponsors … wait, uh … we don’t have any, but we’re working on it. Stay tuned, star gazers! we’ll have more awards soon!